Revision Strategies
The Literature Review essay is an essay we wrote to review three academic sources about experiments done on a specific species and show their relations by making a conclusion of a common characteristic of that species pointed out in those sources. The essay shows our understanding of why it is important that we should care about other species, and also leads to the AP essay by serving as its introduction. The AP essay talks more about issues that this species face and solutions to that.
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Click here to view my LR essay draft.
Click here to view my AP essay draft.
change the introduction paragraph to make it more attractive:
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Since introduction is the most important paragraph in my mind, that I think a good introduction can make the whole essay more appealing to my readers, I decided to revise this first. I used to use a quotation to start the essay, but it is not effective enough. I think it would be better for me to include historical conversation, which it is a better way to start the essay and can summarize the overall idea of how the problem has changed overtime.
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change specific sentences and use more reasoning to make the essay look more academic:
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In the essay I wrote some sentences that are not supported by any evidences and are not common sense either. I decided to change them and replace with sentences that are more reasonable and can be supported. This makes my essay more academic.
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give credibility to authors and titles of my source articles:​
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When I introduce my BIG 3 sources for my essay, I only described the experiments I was going to present that are done in the articles, but I didn't include titles and author's names. I think it would be better if I give credits to them in the paragraph.
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delete or shorten irrelevant examples:
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In my essay there were some examples that are inappropriate to include. They do not address the issues clearly and placing them there is just a waste of space. I decided to shorten some of them and completely delete others.
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changing reasoning without support:
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I used some reasoning without support of evidence in my essay. That makes it less credible and some of the information in my essay is falsely labeled. In order to make it more credible, I deleted some sentences that are without any support.
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avoid using extreme words:
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I used some extreme words in my essay. This is not a good sign because extreme words are usually opinion based and can be easily proved to be wrong. I rephrased some sentences and made them more objective, while avoiding to use extreme words as a fact.
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